Who Are You?

Usually we just accept that things are ‘just the way they are’ and in particular ‘I am just the way I am’.  But usually we haven’t given much thought to this particular way of being – it is just how it is.  Until……..things start to go wrong, really wrong and we can’t seem to make head or tale of it.  As a therapist I am often asked “Am I going Mad”  “Do I have a mental illness” and whilst as a therapist it would not be ethical for me to diagnose that, happily for me most of these questions are not a genuine enquiry into the condition of their mental health, but it does indicate that they need to know themselves a lot better and then they would understand that “no you are just in pain”.

So that leaves us with what does “knowing ourselves” really mean.  To some it may mean knowing ourselves warts and all and accepting that.  For others it is about not really knowing ourselves but passing our control onto others.  i.e. losing our autonomy  usually for the sake of the ‘warm and fuzzy’ or staying in a ‘comfortable’ place even if this place is harsh.

Sometimes we are too quick to pass control over us i.e. we know we love our partners/children/ bosses/siblings but they should “respect us” (read respect as be controlled by us).

Knowing ourselves is about finding our real autonomy and being ok with it.  How do we do that? By exploring our real beliefs about ourselves and others. These are the drivers that propel or drag us through life.  If you want to find out the things that keep you stuck just email me on jean@justonesmallstep.uk.com and book a free 15 minute non therapeutic taster session.