Violence Against Women

This isn’t a new issue and sadly I don’t think by having a Day to highlight it, it will be the last.  Perpetrators of violence against women probably won’t even be aware that we are coming for them.  As a counsellor I have the greatest respect for a past abuser who realises it is wrong and works hard to let go of the thinking that made it happen and to change.  We can all make a mistake once but to keep doing it is not a mistake-  it is a pattern.

Violence against women happens, sadly, everywhere.  In relationships, in the workplace, in organisations who should know better, out on the street, and under people’s noses in their own homes.  However, the more we open up about how dysfunctional and toxic  this hitherto taboo practice is, the more that not only physical violence but also verbal abuse will destabilise the myth by some that it is “ok”.

We have known for generations  that women were vulnerable to all sorts of abuse.  Having been regarded previously as the weaker sex it led to it “being ok” that people took out their frustrations on others.  In relationships and behind closed doors some vulnerable women who have got caught up in “feeling worthless” were, and are, sometimes made to feel that violence is justified or deserved.   However, violence or abuse is never justified or deserved.   Women working or living on the streets seem to be fair game to some, again perhaps because their self esteem is low already.  Lone Women are also sometimes made targets for the opportunists, or worse, the stalker.  Whatever a persons’ individual status is – man or woman it is not ok for another person to use violence against them.  We can hide behind “it was the alcohol/drugs etc”, “you made me do it because I love you so much”;  “it’ll never happen again”;  “I am so sorry – I’ll change(and don’t)”; “you made me angry/jealous etc” – but the truth is these are just excuses.

So what can we do about it.  Firstly, we can break open the ring of silence by letting women know it is not ok to be abused in anyway.  Secondly, we can give them hope and strength that they will be ok to break free.  A lot of people are afraid to speak out because they might not be believed, or they will lose everything they think they have, or for a myriad of other complicated reasons all of which will probably lead them back to not respecting themselves and having low self-worth.  Thirdly we can help women (and men) to feel their autonomy by entering into a public dialogue so that they know their own worth and don’t give their control away to another – not in a feisty way but just in a quiet knowing way.   Our thoughts about ourselves have a huge affect on how we live our lives.  So if we just change our thinking about ourselves to be more accepting we can take back our control and say NO to abuse.

“The first step towards change is acceptance.  Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change.  That’s all you have to do.  Change is not something you do, it’s something you allow.”– Will Garcia