The Death of Margaret Thatcher – A View from Haywards Heath Counselling

How interesting that there were such strong and contrasting views of the leadership of Margaret Thatcher.  Each view seemed to be so strongly held that it had become that person’s belief that this was the only rational view of the situation.    However when it all comes down to it – whether you loved or hated Margaret Thatcher – that is only a personal view.   A view held by others in varying degrees, no doubt, but nevertheless only a view.

So how do we arrive at our view of the World, not only in the global sense, but also in the more intimate sense of our own personal little bubble of a World.  In Counsellor speak – it is all about our beliefs that we acquire about how life is and how we view ourselves.  We then translate these into rules which we live by.

For instance if you have had a few unsuccessful relationships this could lead to a belief that “I am not good at all relationships” or “All men/woman are no good and are only out for what they can get” which could result in a rule of living that “I will avoid relationships and push anyone away that comes close then I won’t get hurt” or  “I will make take all I can from a relationship and beat “them” all at their own game”.  These are not always conscious beliefs and rules but when behaviour and thinking is unravelled they will no doubt lead back to these or similar self defeating thoughts.

So how does this having a view of ourselves and our World translate into our everyday lives.  The classic example in counselling terms is if a child is made to feel that they are worthless by either their caregivers or the events in their young life, this can result in someone (usually subconsciously) spending their whole life overcompensating for this belief.  This could manifest itself in many different ways but one way would be to be determined to show everyone around that they are “good enough”.  They do this to such a degree that it can be really self-defeating in living a happy life.  Conversely a child with the same belief could end up living their whole life apologising for not being good enough.  However someone who learns to live a fairly balanced life from an early age without being sheltered usually grows to be confident in who, and what they are, and their view of the World will be entirely different to someone who has grown up in a different way to them.

These beliefs and rules also manifest themselves into the weight that we often give to worrying about “what others (whoever “they” maybe) think”.  To a degree we should always consider others as that is respectful.  However when we feel that a spotlight is on us all the time and that people are judging how we look, what we say, our competence, etc. etc. then we are closing both our World and ourselves down and causing ourselves unnecessary stress and anxiety which in turn erodes our confidence.   However whilst there are some people in the World who carry their baggage around and keep trying to dump it on others, mostly people are kind.  Why is it then that if we trip over in the street we feel foolish and think everyone must think we are as well?  The reality is more likely that if we see someone trip over, most of us would usually a) feel relieved that it was not us and b) glad that the person was not genuinely hurt.  This view is of course in total contrast to how we can sometimes perceive it to be if our confidence and self-esteem is low.

So in summary, in something like the death of a controversial figure as well as life itself, I believe that we have to see controversy as only a collective of different views and there is no right or wrong answers only those that we personally feel are right or wrong.  That leads to the conclusion that a view is just that – a person’s personal view – and as such it can be coloured by so many different things that it is usually as far from being a Fact, and therefore relevant, than you can usually get.

So if you do worry about what others think to such a degree that it is upsetting the balance of your life – just remember it is not a Fact just a View!