DO YOU USE FOOD AS A COPING MECHANISM?

There are a number of reasons why we use food as a coping mechanism:

1. To fit in and feel accepted
2. An subconscious plea for others to see our internal pain without speaking the words
3. An subconscious plan for us to be invisible so that we won’t be ‘seen’ and the hurt prolonged
4. To feel we have control over at least one thing in our lives
5. To fill the emptiness of feeling lonely or bored

Most coping mechanisms are about filling a hole and in the case of food addictions this means physically – with food.

Whilst not wanting to over simplify why people get into food addiction (or issues with it) it is  usually because we believe (albeit subconsciously) that it is a way of being able to bring control into our lives where we feel we have no control.  Our quest to be comfortable with ourselves – just as we are – often takes a long time if we haven’t been shown that from the start.

Our need to fit in often results in childish comments or perceived insults being taken as true.  Negative comments on our weight and physical appearance can result in years of not feeling good enough in our own bodies so we binge or starve to create what we think ‘others’ (these mythical ‘others’ we seem to give such power over us to) will be accepted.  And if we do manage to grow past our childhood days and get into relationships that we feel matter, we can still be made to feel that physically we are not good enough and so we start on the loop of using or denying food in order to fit in.

The thing is no one can make us feel ‘too fat’ or ‘too thin’ etc.  Words are just words and will only land if we feel that there is an element of truth in them ourselves.

Filling a hole isn’t always about self-esteem.  Sometimes we just are bored – simple as that.  If we have no colour in our lives and time hangs heavy and if we feel it can’t be changed, we can also resort to using food as a way of coping in the same way as people use alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex  to fill the empty hole within us.  And sometimes using food as a mechanism to control our lives is about feeling that we are not ‘seen’ or we are ‘seen too much’ and we want someone to either notice us and how bad we are feeling as our outer self is a reflection of our inner self or conversely if we are small enough we may be invisible to the World and the hurt it has afforded us.

Life is what it is.  Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is not so good, but it is our resilience and approach to life which makes the difference in how we deal with it.

If you are using food as a coping/control mechanism you can change these thoughts.

In recent years people like Weight Watchers and Slimming World have cottoned on to the fact that issues with food are not just about reducing the amount we eat but the reasons why we can’t do that for ourselves.  Telling us to stop doing something doesn’t usually work as we have to get to the place in our mind that makes sense to us which is why ‘white knuckling’ and using willpower alone is never sustainable.

If you are struggling with food in anyway counselling can help you discover why and help you through it so that you find, and are happy with, your inner self.